The Devil's Dictionary
A wife, or bitter half.
"Now, why is yer wife called a helpmate, Pat?" Says the priest. "Since the time 'o yer wooin' She's niver [sic] assisted in what ye were at — For it's naught ye are ever doin'." "That's true of yer Riverence [sic]," Patrick replies, And no sign of contrition envices; "But, bedad, it's a fact which the word implies, For she helps to mate the expinses [sic]!"